Queen in the North on “The Rains of Castamere” AKA Soundtrack of Pain and Suffering

Queen in the North on “The Rains of Castamere” AKA Soundtrack of Pain and Suffering
Tammy Yeban

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS (for Game of Thrones 3.09) AND FEELINGS AHEAD. You have been warned.

Hear that? That is the sound of my brittle heart being stepped on and dragged against the floor. DON’T LIKE THE SOUND OF IT? WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, SHOW. NOT SO FUNNY NOW THAT YOU’RE HEARING THE DAMAGE YOU’VE CAUSED, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. YOU’RE AN EVIL SHOW, GAME OF THRONES. YOU BRING NOTHING BUT PAIN. I HATE YOU. FOREVER.

(But I will still watch you because I love the way it hurts. And because you’re brilliant and I love you, show.)

Why am I ranting like a lunatic, you ask? 3 words. 1 Episode. 1 Feeling: RAINS. OF. CASTAMERE.

Oh, the anguish.

My good friend, Redg, said this of the episode: “AKALA MO READY KA PERO DI PALA”. I was preparing myself for The Red Wedding for two seasons now – Yes, ever since I began falling for Robb Stark when he threatened a Lannister spy with: “TELL LORD TYWIN WINTER IS COMING FOR HIM. 20000 NORTHERNERS MARCH SOUTH TO SEE IF HE REALLY DOES SHIT GOLD.”

Robb Stark should have warned me that Winter was coming for me – what will fill the void in my heart now that he is gone? (INSERT JAIME LANNISTER HERE but that’s for later) WILL I EVER HEAR RICHARD MADDEN DISGUISE HIS SCOTTISH ACCENT AGAIN? Who will I hate on now that his wife is dead? WHAT OF BABY EDDARD, KILLED BEFORE HE WAILED HIS FIRST CRY?

Robb Stark: Before Bran Stark disobeyed his Mother by climbing a tower and ruining everything for everyone
Robb Stark: Before Bran Stark disobeyed his Mother by climbing a tower and ruining everything for everyone

And more importantly: WHERE IS MY JAQEN H’QHAR SO I CAN ASK HIM TO KILL THE FUCKING ASSHOLES WHO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS SLAUGHTER?

Three names:

Walder Frey.

FUCK YOU, ARGUS FILCH, YOU SQUIB, WITH YOUR DAUGHTERS WHO HAVEN’T SHAMPOOED THEIR HAIR FOR YEARS. CRUCIO! AVADA KEDAVRA!

Roose Bolton.

YOU’RE EVIL, JUST LIKE YOUR PSYCHOTIC SON. (YES, I READ THE WHOLE DAMNED WIKIPEDIA PAGE BECAUSE FUCK YOU.)

Tywin Lannister.

JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FUTURE FATHER-IN-LAW THAT DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO PLOT FOR MY EX-BOYFRIEND’S MURDER. YOU’RE A SICK OLD MAN THAT IS WHY YOUR KIDS ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER (Well, not really)

Despite his young age, Robb would have made a good King. He was fair, just and honourable. Little did he know, these traits will be the death of him. The world or George R. R. Martin’s world for that matter, is not for the good. It is for the conniving, for the greedy and for those who won’t stop at anything to get what they want.

Are you happy now, cruel world of Westeros? ARE YOU PROUD OF THE RAMPANT EVIL THAT’S SPREADING ACROSS YOUR KINGDOMS?!

ROBB STARK REENACTING MY FEELZ FOR THIS EP
ROBB STARK REENACTING MY FEELZ FOR THIS EP

WHAT OF THE STARKS? WILL THEY REALLY NEVER EVER EVER GET BACK TOGETHER? THE NORTH REMEMBERS..

IN THE GAME OF THRONES EITHER YOU(R CHARACTER) WIN(S) OR YOU DIE (OF HEARTACHE)

DEAD
DEAD
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